I have collected these dumb quotes because sometime we hear amazing things from our fellow humans that makes us laugh for a long period of time.Well i have such laughing bombs for you these lines may be little bit difficult to understand but once you got the point you will burst out laughing .Make sure to read all i am dead sure that you will find your humor pill here 🙂
♠♥♣ A woman I was living with during my study abroad semester mentioned something along the lines of, “I would never pay for a healthcare that used my money for another person’s treatment.”
♠♥♣ I was talking with a buddy about a solar eclipse that was coming up. He said, “Is that when the sun is between the moon and earth.”
♠♥♣ “You aren’t going to get your kid vaccinated, right? They cause autism”.
♠♥♣ “If God wants the earth to be warmer, he’ll find a way to make it happen. I’m not going to question his will or intentions.
♠♥♣ One of my best friends from college called Jurassic Park a “cult movie.” We argued about it for like three days.
♠♥♣ She questioned peak oil – not when it would occur, but the entire concept – because “the earth is always making more.”
♠♥♣ That the Egyptians built pyramids in Missouri. I had a really dumb roommate at university.
♠♥♣ Tax cuts for billionaires creates jobs.
♠♥♣ “Johnny Appleseed created gravity.”
♠♥♣ Poor people are poor because of their own moral failings.
♠♥♣ I don’t know which is more infuriating, that idea, or the other side which says– “Rich people are rich because of their own moral successes.”
♠♥♣ Someone told me that murder and telling a lie were equally as bad. She actually slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road.
♠♥♣ “If someone is willing to die for a cause, it must be true.” My grandpa said that a couple days ago about Christian martyrs. When I mentioned Muslim suicide bombers, he said they’re just doing that for 72 virgins. Apparently he doesn’t understand logic.
♠♥♣ Recently one of the after school teachers at my daughter’s private school told me that if you cut onions and tie them to the soles of your feet before you go to bed and sleep like that, it will draw the toxins out while you sleep.
♠♥♣ Asking for vegetarian options at an airport restaurant. The response was, “We got hot dogs.”
♠♥♣ The sun’s rays striking your black shirt and making you feel warm is biological.
♠♥♣ Sometimes after a long day, I still have to go shopping but I’m in a half-daze and on autopilot. I’m sure I’ve said some stupid stuff to the cashier before. Thank Odin for self-checkout.
♠♥♣ My coworker said he “doesn’t believe in science”. Like he just doesn’t think it exists. I had no idea how to respond to that, still don’t. Like just makes me shake my head and think what in the actual fuck.
♠♥♣ “Did you know that pizza was invented in Italy during the Roman Empire? They had daily bread, cheese, and sauce rations that they decided to combine, thus pizza was born!” I hit him soon after.
♠♥♣ I’ve had quite a few as a tattoo shop manager but the best/worst so far has been: “How big is the biggest inch?”, in response to the question “In inches, how big are you imagining this tattoo?”.
♠♥♣ In high school, when the Passion of the Christ had come out, a group of people next to me were talking about it. I decided to chime in with, “The book was better.” To which one of the girls exclaimed “THERE WAS A BOOK ABOUT THAT?”
Literally everyone stopped and just stared at her for a long moment in silence. When suddenly one of the kids that never really talked in that class added: “The fucking Bible?!”
♠♥♣ I had a big argument about trickle-down economics when Trump released his tax plan. All the Trump supporters came out of the woodwork to say that it would work, it’s just been demonized by the media agenda.
♠♥♣ When I was younger my mother tried to convince me that English people changed their accent to distinguish themselves from Americans. She honestly believes that we spoke this way first and everyone else was pronouncing things wrong.
♠♥♣ I watched someone completely mangle an orange with a paring knife at lunch one day. He seemed incapable of cutting it into proper wedges. Juice was all over the table. It was like watching a semi-comatose toddler attempt to operate on this orange.
I asked him why he didn’t just peel it if it was so difficult to slice. He looked me dead in the eye and said “You can’t peel an orange.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that.
♠♥♣ I had a coworker tell me that the reason one of our clinics had slow connection when we remotes them was because of the cables going under the ocean to the island the clinic is located on. Apparently the weight of the water makes the data travel slower through the cables since they are constricted by the weight of the water. Then I mentioned it is probably high tide at the moment so it’s even slower and he just agreed with me on that.
♠♥♣ I once had a coworker explain to me that she was on this new diet where the only thing that mattered was the physical weight of the food you were eating. So a chicken breast and an equal amount of snickers bars were no different. She told me how she’s allowed to eat all the cotton candy she wants since it weighs virtually nothing. I kept thinking she was joking but she was deadly serious about it.
♠♥♣ Customer: I want a $200 gift card as well as a manicure separate from the $200. Me: Okay, your total is $230. Customer: No. I want a $200 gift card. Me: It is, and your nails are 30. So 230 is the total. Customer: Um no, you don’t understand. I don’t want a $230 gift card; I want a 200 plus my nails. Me: 200 gift-card + 30 manicure = 230 total
She still couldn’t grasp it and made me ring them both up separately. Today has been weird.
Edit: A lot of people had mentioned she may have just wanted two receipts so I wanna clear that up. I didn’t give much backstory in my post but we’re a family owned salon so our register is just a till inside a desk drawer, a computer and a normal printer. Regardless of the transaction I’ll manually have to print the receipts. And what gets me here is, as salon policy I have to ask at the beginning of the transaction if they’ll want the receipt because either way I need to manually print it out. She didn’t want the receipt at all because, and I quote, “I’m such a space cadet. I’ll lose it anyway.” so I can’t even say it was for separate receipts. I think she was just a little dumb.
Don’t forget to share your dumbest quotes your hear from someone.